Storify Feed Feedburner Facebook Twitter Flickr Youtube Vimeo

ROS Lboard

Still think you have kinky sex?

 | August 8, 2012

You’re going to feel somewhat deflated when you read how some animals indulge in ‘pleasures of the flesh’.

FEATURE

Oh yes, us homo sapiens think we’re the best at everything – even sex. But you’re going to feel somewhat deflated when you read how some animals indulge in ‘pleasures of the flesh’.

It’ll either leave you red in the face or rolling on the floor laughing.

Bonobo

This ape has sex on his mind 24/7 (like most homo sapien males). To him, any time is a good time for some heavy petting, French kissing, oral sex even same gender sex. He indulges in sex to show who’s boss, when he’s stressed from a conflict, even as a peace-offering to end a conflict. When he’s excited, he’ll get down on it. When he’s down, he’ll get up to it. And sometimes the tables are turned when the females gang-up and exert sexual domination over him. He probably doesn’t mind too much but plays along looking distraught and exploited. All in the name of more sex!

Snail

Those snails in your garden – they have sex in their eyes! Behind their eyes actually where a sperm dart-like organ resides. Being hermaphrodites (having both male and female sex organs), snails engage in kinky eye sex with their sexual partners, wielding their sharp-tipped sperm darts like Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader until they successfully fill the other’s uterus with a calcified-mucous-covered spike. Then its just wait-and-see till baby arrives.

Frigatebird

This bird wears his heart out on his sleeve… eer, in his throat actually. When he wants to get his groove on, he inflates his throat into a bright red, heart-shaped balloon and struts around showing his stuff until some naïve maiden falls for his charms. And while he has a go at her, he cunningly shields her eyes with his wings so she can’t see the other desperados strutting their stuff too.

Dolphin

Think some men will just screw anything they see? You haven’t met the male dolphin yet. This randy devil is so sex-crazed he’ll even hump inanimate objects. And his penis is the most extraordinary ever – it has this ability to poke and prod at things and even grip things so he can carry out his sexual fantasies in relative peace. Only saving grace is he’s a quick worker, completing his task in 12 seconds.

Brown antechinus

This long-tailed mouse is in for the long haul. While the male dolphin ups and leaves in 12 seconds flat, this marathon Olympian invests up to 12 hours with just one mate before moving on to the next 12-hour session. That’s a lot of wining and dining not to mention stamina for the act of sex with one just partner. Obviously not a proponent of quality over quantity.

Honey bee

Talk about fatal attraction! Once the virgin queen bee is sexually mature she deftly picks a dozen or so suitors from the hundreds vying for her attention. Only thing is, this dirty dozen are soon to be the dead dozen! A bee’s sex act is pretty brutal – while mating, the male’s genitals explode inside the queen’s, effectively killing him in the process. One down, eleven more to go!

Praying mantis

The male praying mantis elevates his talent of lovemaking to an art form and like many before him he is willing to die for his art… literally. While having sex with his fair maiden, she literally bites the lovesick fool’s head off as it accelerates sperm delivery and increases her chances of conceiving. At least he died doing what he liked best.

Pandas

Pandas made it to this list considering Malaysia’s current fascination with them. Pandas are generally a pretty lazy bunch, preferring to lounge around all day, snacking on bamboo shoots and getting up to no good. They aren’t even interested in sex. So worrying was this outright refusal to propagate their species that one research facility in China actually showed them panda porn. Yes, two pandas having sex on screen. According to reports, the panda porn actually worked, enticing the panda viewers to procreate. So who said porn was bad?

LINKS:

http://www.virginmedia.com/digital/features/bizarre-animal-mating-rituals.php?ssid=6


Comments

Readers are required to have a valid Facebook account to comment on this story. We welcome your opinions to allow a healthy debate. We want our readers to be responsible while commenting and to consider how their views could be received by others. Please be polite and do not use swear words or crude or sexual language or defamatory words. FMT also holds the right to remove comments that violate the letter or spirit of the general commenting rules.

The views expressed in the contents are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of FMT.

Comments