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5 signs you’re dating a commitment-phobe

August 18, 2012

How to tell when you’re dating a commitment-phobe.


Roaming the world and living a carefree lifestyle is all very well and good, but what happens when you want a little more in your relationship? Could the guy or girl you’re dating ever settle down?

If you want to know if your date is simply living life to the full or is a full-blown commitment-phobe read this article and see if you can spot any of the classic commitment-phobe signs.

Laugh at your friends

When your happily married friends, Sally and Harry (well, we all secretly want to be pals with these characters), invite you and your lover boy or girl over for a family-friendly BBQ what does your date do? Do they make fake sick noises? Do they mock Harry and Sally, saying that they lead a dull, monotonous life together? If they do, you may have to kiss goodbye to that August wedding you had your heart set on because it looks like you’re dating a commitment-phobe. If your date often laughs at your friends who have a settled, commitment-filled life it suggests that they loathe the idea of responsibility and ties. It also suggests that they are a little bit scared of a serious relationship, which is why they want to make fun of anyone who is in one.

They want to be a rock star

There’s nothing sadder than listening to a forty-something-year-old guy talking about how his band is going to make it big and that a record label deal is definitely, 100 per cent in the pipeline. The rock star lifestyle has been solely designed and crafted for the twenty-something-year-olds and if your guy or girl is still clinging to that dream you know that their hopes and dreams for the future don’t involve kids or a house in the suburbs. In fact, their plans for the future probably revolve around groupies, beer chugging and buying that tour bus with the blacked out windows and revolving, circular bed.

Can’t pin them down

If you want to get tickets to go and see a band next weekend or book a table at that top-notch restaurant, can you pin down your date and get them to join you? The average commitment-phobe is a nightmare when it comes to pre-planning dates and they often brush off your attempts at booking something with comments like, ‘sounds good, I’ll let you know’ or ‘let’s live life a little more spontaneously’. If you haven’t been able to get your guy or girl to attend something with more than 24-hours notice, it may be time to reassess your relationship and find someone a little more forward-thinking.

They snap

Having someone stand you up, turn up late and cancel last minute is never fun and can be a pretty humiliating business. If your date does this to you on a regular basis it can become frustrating and will cause some nasty arguments. So what do you do when your date does this? If you (quite rightly) confront your flaky date and they snap at you, accusing you of being overly sensitive, a drama queen or a controlling mess, then you know they are a commitment-phobe. Overreacting in this way shows that they hate being tied down – even to a coffee-shop date – and are acting defensively because they feel claustrophobic and trapped.

Who are they?

So, you’ve been dating this guy or girl for over six months now, but have you stayed over in their bed or met their parents? Nope? Why not? If your date hasn’t showed any signs of introducing you into their life then they clearly want to keep their independence and are compartmentalizing elements of their life; this is a classic trait found in all commitment-phobes. They struggle to open up and are obsessively private. Although this air of mystery was attractive when you first starting seeing each other, six months later that air of mystery is frustrating and annoying. Remember; it’s impossible to build a strong and intimate relationship with someone who won’t open up.


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