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Anger management

 | March 30, 2012

Anger is an overreaction to a situation or stimulus. It is primarily a negative emotion that influences the entire person.


“You are making me angry now and don’t you dare mess with me!” shouted Ali.

Anger is such a common household item these days that it’s almost like having Astro switched on in almost every home.

In my clinic, many couples come complaining and demanding their partner or child do something about their anger. Anger is so contagious, that even the calmest housewife is becoming berserk living with a angry husband. Anger changes people over time.

When I talk to some of my clients about their anger source, it is often about stressful experiences and also living with a previous angry person. Anger is one of the main reasons for divorce after cheating.

I hope that if you have tell-tale signs of anger, you do something fast about it, before it does something disastrous to you and your environment. Anger causes change for the worse.

Someone once said, “When you fight it only means that your fist is faster than your brains.” Anger is in everybody. Anger can actually be a good reaction if used properly, moderately and nobly.

Today’s Malaysian environment with all the stress and mounting turmoil that is happening within and around us is causing many of us to flare up really fast. Hey, watch out!

Anger is an overreaction to a situation or stimulus. It is primarily a negative emotion that influences the entire person and how that person reacts to his or her environment.

The two forms of anger

Anger can be in two forms i.e. manifesting anger and latent anger. Also, anger can be transient or chronic where it is usually excessive and irrational.

Impatient, constant hurrying, a sense of time urgency, selfishness, verbal attacking, and hostility are some of the symptoms of manifest anger.

Latent anger is subconsciously driven and the person is usually unaware of it. Latent anger also plays a role in chronic depression.

Our body reacts to anger by increasing the respiratory rate, pulse rate, and blood to the muscles that move our body’s frame. It also constricts the pupils of the eyes, and pumps out hormones from the adrenal gland.

Anger should not inhabit the mind for any extended period of time while being experienced and acknowledged.

The best way to deal with anger is to recognise and deal with it in a positive way. This means taking responsibility for behavior, negotiating better with people, taking time out, and deflating it by hitting a punching bag or a pillow.

Remember not to drink alcohol as that negative emotions are going to be anchored, not in your best of interest.

There are ways used in the professional psychological approach to deal with chronic anger. The person is helped to recognise how anger is being used as an ego defence mechanism to suppress the unconscious root of the anger.

This is the projection method. The behavioral approach explores practical ways to avoid or have better negotiation with people and situations that make one angry. The interpersonal approach focuses on better communication skills to build rapport and improve relationships with others. The cognitive approach helps to find and correct the distortion of your ideas about life and other people.

Anger is always negative and is a choice. You must understand your anger rituals.

Bringing out the good emotion

By learning to acknowledge and then release anger, you open yourself up for change and renewal and lead a happier life.

Every emotion is always fueled by some motion thus, when we are angry, we need to keep in a certain motion to bring in a good emotion.

This can be an exercise like biking, gardening, yoga, qi gong or gym workouts to help dissipate the anger to a more positive mood. Diet, supplements, herbs, aromatherapy, music and meditation can help the physical and emotional levels.

Self-hypnosis can aid anger, by helping the person understand and be aware and cope with the situation.

“Because you want to have a full and happy life…you have good and positive feelings towards others… You realise that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses… You tolerate and accept people as they are… without judging or analysing their actions and words… You learn to accept and appreciate these differences…You forgive others for actions or words that you disapprove of… and you develop your sense of humor easily… and you no longer have to take life so seriously… You control your hostile feelings… Your actions allow people to feel happy and good about themselves.”

Julian is a London trained subconscious specialist with Hypno-Station. He is Malaysia’s most renowned clinical hypnotherapist, media personality, columnist, event host and book author. He can be contacted at [email protected].


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