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Dealing with difficult people

 | July 21, 2012

The key factor to appreciate when dealing with difficult people is that everyone has their own viewpoint.

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“My husband is such a difficult person to deal with,” said Rosmah. “My wife is such a stubborn person,” explained Tan. “My boss never seems to understand me and always seems to pick on me,” complained Devi.

Recently, I have been having an increasing number of clients who have been coming to me because of difficult partner or working relationship. In today’s Malaysia where the levels of stress has sky rocketed and people are a lot more ‘kiasu’, learning to survive in any relationship needs a lot of learning and being.

The fact is that not every person is easy to deal with. There are some who have open, bright and easy-going personalities whilst others remain constantly shielded by a potentially predator outlook.

To deal with the more predator type of person, it pays to remember that you should never take it personally. This is who they are. They respond in general such, not just towards you.

This will help you avoid taking things the wrong way or moving into a defensive mode. These two reactions would only serve to make matters worse.

The key factor to appreciate when dealing with difficult people is that everyone has their own viewpoint and their own reasons for being how they are.

Thinking in terms of what is fair, right, morally correct and the likes don’t help you to understand the other person. Be careful that you don’t end up becoming your difficult person’s difficult person.

Try to see things through their eyes. It will give you a far greater insight into them and enable you to communicate better and create a far easier and more rewarding relationship.

Stop your wishful thinking now! Stop thinking about how it “should” be and start to accept things are they are. And don’t expect them to repay the compliment or say sorry every time and automatically see it from your side either!

You now can remain calm, relaxed and confident in yourself. You will find that you are composed and articulate even when the most difficult person is being prickly around you. You will also find it easier to identify ways in which to disarm their attacks and get them to relax with you.

Hypnosis a helpful tool

Understand now that without a sparring partner they will find it difficult to spar and eventually will give up trying to do so. Having confidence in yourself allows you to remain unruffled.

You are confident and worry little about what others think or why they are being difficult. With this new confidence you do not take these things personally. Rather, you can let these situations go.

Inevitably shy or nervous people are those who are most affected by these predator types. This may be due to underlying shyness, where there is always a fear of having done something wrong.

Thus the very outburst or attack of the other person triggers an unconscious alarm that in fact makes them feel both guilty and uncomfortable.

Even though the shy person most probably realises at a conscious level that they have done nothing wrong and that it is just the other person’s personality. But subconsciously they still feel uncomfortable, making it difficult to relax, let go and mentally step back from the situation.

Hypnosis is a very helpful tool in learning how to step back. It is a wonderful therapy for building self-confidence. These are key ingredients in dealing with other people and creating good relationships.

It is time now to allow yourself to be relax and be natural with people. Even when dealing with difficult people.

Julian is a London trained subconscious specialist with Hypno-Station. He is Malaysia’s most renowned clinical hypnotherapist, media personality, columnist, event host and book author. He can be contacted at [email protected].


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