While the world mourns the end of Brangelina…
It is time we learn to refrain from judging the decisions people make in their private lives.
“Jolie is a home-wrecker. I am happy to hear about the breakup.”
“Brad Pitt deserved it. Karma is a bitch.”
“Sorry Angelina, but if you wanted to hang on to your guy, you should have spent less time collecting kids and saving the world – more time being Mrs Pitt!”
Wow! Such sage advice after the fact but aren’t we a little too quick to point fingers and judge?
To be honest, I myself once detested Jolie and Pitt for their union, but only because I sympathised with Jennifer Aniston, Pitt’s then wife who he abandoned when he fell for Jolie. Seeing how happy Pitt and Jolie were for years to come and reading about Aniston who continued seeking love (and getting her heart broken too often) made me cringe every time I heard about Brangelina.
Then something happened to my own marriage. I fell out of love. I walked out of my 15-year marriage because I believed I deserved to be with someone I really loved and who loved me in return. I realised that I did not want to stay in a marriage out of obligation.
And that changed my entire perception towards Brangelina too.
Life is not worth being sacrificed for a vow you made at the altar. Yes, some people may be hurt. But then, our first priority should not be towards our partner or our children – but ourselves.
I believe prioritising our own happiness is essential in keeping our loved ones happy. Surely children of a loveless marriage can testify about how horrible it is to grow up in a broken home.
By leaving Aniston, Pitt had been honest enough about his feelings while giving her a chance to find someone she truly deserved. Pitt could have stayed on in a loveless marriage and made both their lives a nightmare – but he did not. Clearly, honesty is undervalued.
Jolie on the other hand, fell in love – that is all she did. She did not plan to love Pitt I am sure, like she did not plan to wreck another’s marriage.
Try living your life, in search of true love when along comes someone with whom the chemistry is so right – what do you do? Walk away because taking a chance means wrecking someone’s else home, something frowned upon by society?
Living life means taking chances. And taking chances sometimes means breaking hearts. So what do we do – live the life we desire or sacrifice the life we desire to give others false hope?
When a son tells his conservative parents that he is a homosexual and ends up breaking their hearts – do we hate him for flying in the face of filial piety? Or do we support him because he is being true to himself and wants to live the life he so desires?
When a young Muslim celebrity removes her headscarf – do we hate her for breaking the hearts of her many fans? Or do we support her right to make her own personal choices?
Now how are any of these examples any different from walking out of a dead relationship?
I believe that the many underlying issues in our society today are caused by being in a prolonged state of dissatisfaction. Sacrificing what we desire in order to satisfy others, be it our parents, siblings, partners or children, leaves us unbearably unhappy. Look at the rowdiness of the motorists on our streets, the apathy of the officers in our government departments, the rudeness of some customers in our restaurants, and the unprofessional teachers in our schools.
It is time we brush aside convention and support those who make choices based on what gives them personal happiness.
My divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. It gave me the opportunity to be the individual I am proud of being today. It made me an awesome mother, a wonderful daughter, a great friend and a good human being. And it also gave my ex-husband the chance to be with someone who truly loves him.
At the end of the day, each and every one of us must make our own decisions based on our own judgements and values. It is not up to us to impose our expectations on others. And while we’re at it, we should learn to respect the decisions of others when it comes to their private lives.
Fa’s Note:
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Last week, a husband of a good friend filed for divorce after 30 years of marriage. I wish him the best and hope he finds happiness as much as I hope his wife finds the strength to get through this.