If caning can be the cure for illicit sex, can it also be the cure for corruption?
A few days ago, Pasir Puteh MP, Dr Nik Mazian Nik Mohamad proposed to punish those caught for zina (illicit sex) with 100 lashes of the cane. According to the wise MP, the punishment of caning would prevent pregnancies out of wedlock.
A day later, Dr Nik Mazian came up with yet another proposal – to cane drug addicts too. This time around, the PAS lawmaker suggested in Parliament that the fear of being caned would discourage folk from getting addicted to drugs.
Like me, I am sure there are many Malaysians who think Dr Nik Mazian is out of his mind for suggesting something so ridiculous. I mean, come on, caning as a form of punishment in the 21st century? What, are we going to whack every offender and force them to change their ways out of fear of pain?
But then I began browsing the internet to read up on “caning therapy” and was gobsmacked upon discovering that Russian scientists made a major breakthrough decades ago in curing alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts and workaholics through, wait for it, drum roll please – CANING!
According to The Siberian Times, Russian psychologists who practised this unconventional remedy had treated thousands of patients successfully for only 3000 roubles (RM230) by literally beating the addiction and obsession out of them.
These “medical spankings” as they called it, is claimed to be very effective because the buttocks according to the Russian scientists, is an effective “reflexogenic zone” which can be used to transform pain signals into positive activity for humans (*facepalm*).
Walao-wei! Looks like the Pasir Puteh MP’s caning suggestion isn’t just something he plucked from the sky after all. Good God.
Anyhow, as I delved deeper and deeper into this “caning therapy”, I realised something – if the proposed caning laws are able to instil fear into drug addicts and those caught for zina, and assist them in their process of repenting, perhaps it could also be the answer for many other issues plaguing society.
Maybe the “caning therapy” should also be implemented on:
• Men who own 21 luxury cars by converting land premiums at cheaper rates
• Men who hide RM53.7mil in their cupboards, drawers and car boots
• Men who use their position to obtain land and property below market price
• Men who accept an unrecorded number of valuable gifts in return for “special favours”
• Women who own hundreds of luxury handbags, jewellery and expensive watches, all unaccounted for, bought by their high profile husbands
• Men who abuse funds meant for orphans for luxury trips to Washington
• Men who build dynasties of enormous wealth through the destruction of forests and illegal logging
How about that, Dr Nik Mazian?
On second thought, why limit the lashes to 100 as proposed by the MP – maybe the more realistic thing to do is consider the approach taken by the Russian scientists – two sessions of cane therapy (consisting of 30 lashes per session) per week for a duration of three months with annual follow ups.
If mothers at villages, as claimed by the MP, have been too soft on their children, and have failed to discipline them properly thereby causing them to enslave themselves to various forms of addiction – I believe our authorities too have been too soft on corrupt offenders, causing them to repeat these offences without fear.
I’m sure by instilling pain upon these corrupt individuals with a good whip on their buttocks, we can combat corruption more successfully.
Perhaps our dearest MP should also consider canning state government officials, who despite having governed for multiple terms, fail to bring decent development not only to the state and also to the lives of the people they govern.
I will be looking forward for these suggestions to be addressed by the Pasir Puteh MP in his next Parliament session. In case he needs a gentle reminder, don’t worry – I heard the caning therapy is also good to improve one’s memory.
Fa Abdul is an FMT columnist.
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