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Dear Jais: A cry for help

 | February 19, 2015

This writer says Muslim women are sexual beings too and the only way they can avoid inviting rape is when men assume some responsibility.


jaisDear Jais,

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

I am a female Muslim. I read your Friday sermon text on covering female aurat to prevent rape and had mixed feelings. However, I have come to understand your point of view. You are merely trying to look out for us since we are the weaker species and in need of your protection. Alhamdulillah, I thank you deeply for keeping us in your thoughts.

Sir, Allah created us, our bodies, and our needs and desires. However, the desire of men and women varies. Men are simple beings. They get turned on by any woman who looks healthy and fertile. The hour glass body, the full lips, perfect facial symmetry, nice wobbly breasts and the low waist to hip ratio.

Men are bound to get aroused by women who are physically attractive just by taking one glance at them. This is a biological fact.

But women on the other hand are more complicated.

Imam Ali once said: “Allah has created the sexual desire in ten parts. He gave nine parts to women and one to men.”

By giving women an extra nine doses of sexuality, Allah has also weighed it with the scale of shyness and shame. This inundates her life, and comes with a feeling of guilt. This constant burden of shame over her own sexual desires weighs a Muslim woman’s every action.

However, living in this modern world is not easy. Every day we (Muslim women) encounter men of all walks of life. As a female, sometimes I feel my desires rule over me and leave me restless, confused, frustrated and resentful.

While men may still feel attracted to a female who is all covered up with merely one dose of sexuality to deal with, try imagining what nine doses of sexuality does to us.

Oh honourable sir, how do we get rid of these evil desires?

According to Islam, men are the leaders of women – in a household as well as in a society. As such, I sincerely believe (and hope) men should also take some precaution to ensure we, the weaker species do not have our mind polluted with desires which could cause us to stray from the path of righteousness.

I have taken the liberty to list out ten things men can do to help Muslim women deal with their lust and desire. I hope you would include it in your next Friday sermon as an important message to our Muslim men as we desperately need their kind help to strengthen our heart and soul to resist temptation.

1. Avoid looking directly at us. May I suggest they lower their gaze and refrain from looking at us, women. We find their strong piercing gaze highly sensuous. Perhaps men should wear sunglasses often. But maybe not the sexy-macho sunglasses (that makes us go wild too), the boring square ones would do.

2. Avoid wearing cologne when around us. We find manly scents very irresistible. Minyak attar should be fine.

3. Avoid wearing tight jeans that expose the shape of their manhood and buttocks (especially if it’s round and curvy) as this makes our imagination run wild if we stare too long. Better alternatives would be to wear jubbah or sarongs.

4. Avoid sweating because the scent of a man’s sweat heightens a woman’s sexual desires, stimulates our hormones, raises our blood pressure and increases the rate of our breathing. So just stop sweating when around us.

5. Avoid dancing when in our line of vision. Anyone who’s seen the movie Hitch would know that women adore men who can dance. But it turns out that this is not only true in western culture. Sometimes joget and silat also turn women on. I think it has a lot to do with the rhythmic movement of your bodies. I honestly feel men should stop making any movements with their body. It gives us naughty thoughts (Masya Allah, may God forgive me).

6. Avoid talking. According to actual scientific studies, the way men sound can trigger a women’s sex drive especially if one has a deep voice. I would highly recommend that men whisper when talking around women.

7. Avoid smiling at us. Women are attracted to men’s lips and seductive smiles. It makes us go googoo-gaga and yearn for a smooch. It’s not that we can’t get a hold of ourselves but it’s just that women are biologically wired to experience these emotions. In order to prevent this, men should stop smiling around women or better yet, wear facial masks.

8. Avoid going bald. Men with average looks tend to go bald these days without even realising that there are plenty of women out there who are turned on by this look. To ensure we are not sexually attracted, bald men should wear wigs.

9. Avoid having a full head of hair. Women also find men with good hair a major turn on (refer to Dato’ Dr Sheikh Muzzaffar’s hair for example). I suggest they wear songkoks.

10. Avoid riding around in big bikes. None of the above matches the emotions women experience when we see men on big bikes. As mysterious and complicated as our hormones are, so are our sensory sex organs when we spot men in helmet, jacket, bandana and leather pants slouching on their big bikes. In fact, even their slouching reminds us of sex. I feel men should refrain from riding big bikes in order to protect us, the weaker species from having sinful thoughts.

I beg our Muslim brothers to understand that women’s libidos are like human muscles. They grow with use. The more our desire is stoked, the more we fantasise and the higher the chances that lust will consume us. Therefore, we need a great deal of assistance from men to keep our iman intact.

By understanding the triggers of our sexual desires, hopefully the faith of Muslim women in Malaysia can be protected and restored. Insya Allah.

I hope this letter would get your immediate attention and you will take further action by including this message in your next Friday sermon text.

Please, we beg you to help us strengthen our faith.

Thank you.

Wassalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Yours sincerely,

Fa Abdul

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