The English language is an unruly Western expat in Malaysia – chronically roaring drunk; embarrassingly underdressed (in terrifyingly-mismatched batik sportswear); boorishly loud (dugongs and tapirs flee when they approach); and perpetually rule-transgressing (because laws were meant to be “breaked”).
Although its presence in the country is limited and fast-diminishing (it’s now only occasionally heard babbling nonsensically in private sector workplaces and Starbucks outlets), it still has the power to make its alarming presence widely known, in the most unwelcome, the Apocalypse-will-soon-be-upon-us way imaginable.
Selfies of the English language lewdly cavorting across Malaysia bedevil all major social media platforms and often give straitlaced netizens cardiac arrest, but none has, as yet, caused a mountaintop earthquake.
Below is a tragic album of both candid and posed shots of the English tongue – smuggled in primarily from Engrish.com, WorldOfBuzz.com and Facebook – casually contaminating the Malaysian landscape:
For when gifts play hard-to-get
But do you sale dictionaries?
I park, therefore I am
Next time fisit you, bring please dictionary. Thangs!
This sign gave me cancer
I don fren anybody anymore foreber-eber
I love vadalising English
But Pluto is off the market…
Your cut of the take
Err, I’m just here to order Milo
Hend den, buy de matching shoe…
Because air-dried is too mainstream
Shut your hole, chicken!
Inhumane use includes not flushing
Let us pray for the maker of this sign…
Irresistibly cuddly though they are…
My query is: What’s ‘inquirement’?
We print colourful nonsense…
Butt we speling not so gud…
Kapak full, so park on rod