What talking you?: Totally ‘koyak’ English signs in Malaysia

koyak-english

The English language is an unruly Western expat in Malaysia – chronically roaring drunk; embarrassingly underdressed (in terrifyingly-mismatched batik sportswear); boorishly loud (dugongs and tapirs flee when they approach); and perpetually rule-transgressing (because laws were meant to be “breaked”).

Although its presence in the country is limited and fast-diminishing (it’s now only occasionally heard babbling nonsensically in private sector workplaces and Starbucks outlets), it still has the power to make its alarming presence widely known, in the most unwelcome, the Apocalypse-will-soon-be-upon-us way imaginable.

Selfies of the English language lewdly cavorting across Malaysia bedevil all major social media platforms and often give straitlaced netizens cardiac arrest, but none has, as yet, caused a mountaintop earthquake.

Below is a tragic album of both candid and posed shots of the English tongue – smuggled in primarily from Engrish.com, WorldOfBuzz.com and Facebook – casually contaminating the Malaysian landscape:

For when gifts play hard-to-get

leisure-1

But do you sale dictionaries?

Encountered at a shop in KLIA. From Facebook.
Encountered at a shop in KLIA. From Facebook.

I park, therefore I am

From WorldofBuzz.com
From WorldofBuzz.com

Next time fisit you, bring please dictionary. Thangs!

leisure-4
From WorldofBuzz.com

This sign gave me cancer

From WorldofBuzz.com
Encountered by a visitor at Ampang Hospital. From WorldofBuzz.com

I don fren anybody anymore foreber-eber

leisure-6
From WorldofBuzz.com

I love vadalising English

From Engrish.com
From Engrish.com

But Pluto is off the market…

leisure-8
From Engrish.com

Your cut of the take

From Engrish.com
From Engrish.com

Err, I’m just here to order Milo

leisure-10
From Engrish.com

Hend den, buy de matching shoe…

From Engrish.com
From Engrish.com

Because air-dried is too mainstream

Noticed by a customer at a hypermarket. From Engrish.com
Noticed by a customer at a hypermarket. From Engrish.com

Shut your hole, chicken!

From Facebook
From Facebook

Inhumane use includes not flushing

leisure-14
Photo by Dan Gutman via Google+

Let us pray for the maker of this sign…

From TheBorneoPost.com
From TheBorneoPost.com

Irresistibly cuddly though they are…

leisure-16
From Dumpaday.com

My query is: What’s ‘inquirement’?

From WeirdInMalaysia.Blogspot.com
From WeirdInMalaysia.Blogspot.com

We print colourful nonsense…

From English.FabioPulito.com
From English.FabioPulito.com

Butt we speling not so gud…

From BernardSinai.WordPress.com
From BernardSinai.WordPress.com

Kapak full, so park on rod

From SoulRain143.WordPress.com
From SoulRain143.WordPress.com

http://www.worldofbuzz.com/11-times-malaysian-signs-failed-their-engrish/