Have you ever heard of the, “If she’s so smart, why does she make dumb choices when it comes to a relationship” trope?
Or this excuse, “I’ve never had a relationship with someone who treated me well because I’ve always been unlucky in love.”
Today is the day we’re unpacking those two things. It’s 2019, and women are smarter and more powerful than ever. As we like to say at The New Savvy, “The future is female.”
Yes, we want to give you the best possible advice when it comes to your finances, investments and your career, definitely. But we also need to get down to the nitty-gritty, your heart-choices are also very important.
These two things are probably the two biggest factors that affect our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing — love and money. And as much as we want all women to build their money smarts, we also want you to build your relationship smarts as well.
So here are some truths that will help you become a woman who makes smart relationship choices.
Smart women are truthful about what they want, as well as what they deserve, in a relationship.
One way to guard your emotional future is to always, always be honest with yourself. Practice this as early and as often as you can, even with little things. Especially the little things — the truths you need to tell yourself.
Let’s face it, women are reared to be nice, obliging and compliant. It’s so much more socially acceptable to be “the nice person” if you’re a woman, that’s why there are “good girls” and “bad boys.”
But oftentimes a woman’s niceness makes her a liar. She says no to that last cookie, even when she’s starving. She says, “yes” to taking on extra work, to volunteering to clean up after meetings or events.
Women are known to volunteer to take minutes in meetings, week after week. And find themselves saying “okay” when they’re not okay with something.
The danger is that this will spill over into their relationships. When the guy they’re dating does something they’re unhappy with, they tend to just let it go, because they’re used to holding their tongues.
This should not be your life. Say no when you don’t agree with something. Practice saying, “I’m not okay with that.”
Raise your voice. You may feel shaky in the knees at the start — that’s all right. Be nothing but honest until it becomes part of your DNA.
Smart women don’t make fear-based relationship decisions
A close friend was engaged to a man who, truthfully, no one was crazy about. But she loved him, and so he was tolerated.
But at one point another friend asked her why exactly she was marrying that not-so-great-guy. And she was told to be really, really honest.
As it turns out, this close friend was already in her early thirties, and was afraid this guy was her last chance at getting married. She was afraid she would miss out on marriage and motherhood.
After a good heart-to-heart talk and lots of tears, this woman broke up with her fiancé.
Honestly, she has never been happier and more free. She’s no longer making decisions based on fear and has chosen to take charge of her life and her happiness, single or not.
Smart women trust their gut when it comes to relationships
We were all born with an inner compass that can pretty much tell us the right thing to do, the best way to go.
Think of it as an inner traffic light that shines a strong green when you have the go-ahead to do something, flashes red when it’s not safe to proceed, and blinks yellow when you have to proceed with caution.
If you’re in a relationship now and are not completely satisfied in your gut that you’re with the right person, it would be good to find out why.
Be brave, be honest with yourself, and trust that you are worth the best that life can give you.
PS — If money is an issue that’s giving you some red or yellow lights in your relationship, you may want to check out our article “How to Have the Money Talk with Your Partner.” This might help you clarify any underlying issues that need to be talked through.
This article first appeared in thenewsavvy.com
The New Savvy is Asia’s leading financial, investments and career platform for women. Our bold vision is to empower 100 million women to achieve financial happiness. We deliver high-quality content through conferences, e-learning platforms, personal finance apps and e-commerce stores.