PETALING JAYA: Ah, Penang. The Pearl of the Orient. Is there really any other place like you in Malaysia?
Rich in culture and history, driving in the island state however, is often a nightmare. “Oh, dear God! The traffic has been grid-locked like for… forever”, “Did that lorry just run a red light?” are common exclamations from motorists here.
While driving in Kuala Lumpur can often be a nightmare, in Penang it’s akin to driving in the Devil’s domain, with traffic rules being more like ‘suggestions’ you might not necessarily wish to follow.
Why is this the case? Who knows? Even Penangites aren’t sure why so many of their compatriots drive like the cops are after them!
Whatever their reasons, there are some hard lessons one will inevitably learn whilst navigating the lanes and roads of Penang.
1. Honking is the Penangite’s second language
Picture this: you’re stopped at a traffic light in George Town, waiting patiently like any good motorist for it to turn green.
It does, and one millisecond later, a chorus of honks erupts all around you. The ear-splitting orchestra has rolled into town, it seems.
For many Penangites, their palms are glued to their vehicle horns and they seem pretty trigger-happy most of the time.
Even if you haven’t committed any faux pas on the road, expect to be on the receiving end of an irritated honk at any time.
2. Rules? What rules?
You may have earned your driving licence by dutifully memorising all the traffic rules, but in Penang, you can throw the rulebook out of the window.
Red lights are taken as a cautionary warning, green lights suggest driving at the speed of sound, and orange at the speed of light.
Ever watched cowboy duels in Hollywood westerns? Merging lanes in Penang feels quite like that, with drivers engaging in a game of “who will yield first”.
3. The blinker mystery
Did you know that many Penangites can actually read minds? Really? A state-wide superpower? Surely there’s proof of this?!
Well, it seems a good number of them are able to tell the moves of their fellow motorists through supernatural means, without the use of blinkers.
Lack of blinker usage in Penang is something of an enigma and it certainly adds an element of surprise to your daily commute!
4. You have failed me for the last time, Waze
Many motorists depend on Waze to keep their commutes short even through uncharted territory.
In Penang, always expect to be led on a wild goose chase, or to be given false hope that the lane ahead is a shortcut, when it’s completely impassable.
You might find yourself following directions that take you through seemingly impossible routes or insisting that you make a U-turn at the most inconvenient times.
It hardly helps that the streets of Penang are something of a labyrinth, even for locals. Hope you don’t bump into the Minotaur here!
5. Unicorns, leprechauns and lane discipline
In Penang, lanes are merely painted lines on the road for decorative purposes. They function more as vague suggestions rather than strict boundaries.
Don’t be surprised if cars drift across lanes without warning, or motorcycles whizz in between cars like they’re Tom Cruise in a “Mission: Impossible” flick.
As a non-Penangite, you’ll quickly learn that lane discipline is a fluid concept and that going with the flow is the key to survival on their roads.
6. Pedestrians have the right of way… occasionally
It must be said, crossing a road in Penang as a pedestrian is like crossing a minefield, albeit with the mines sometimes being in the form of an oil tanker.
Pedestrians are magical creatures, appearing out of thin air, oblivious to the wave of traffic before them.
Defensive driving and lightning-fast reflexes are mandatory if you want to avoid sending pedestrians flying across the Penang Strait.
7. If it’s small enough to fit
Given how small George Town is, it’s little surprise that all parking spaces are highly contested.
Still, witnessing the magic trick of Penangites fitting their cars into impossibly tiny spaces is a sight to behold.
Whether it’s squeezing into a narrow gap between two cars or parking creatively on the sidewalk, Penangites have truly mastered the art of maximising every available metre of space.
8. The art of negotiating roundabouts
George Town may be no Shah Alam when it comes to roundabouts, but regardless, they are a whirlwind of excitement not for the faint of heart.
They’re a chaotic dance of merging vehicles, honking horns, and split-second decisions, and there’s often no way of escaping them.
Non-Penangites will learn to embrace the roundabout madness and join in the whirlwind with gusto.
It’s like being in a high-speed dance where timing and assertiveness are key!