Chatting with her mother, I came to learn how the girl had grown up without a father. With her parents divorced when she was just four, this little girl learned how to adapt fast. She took pains to become more independent while still empathising with her mother’s struggle. She made it a point to work hard while not losing sight of her own dreams. In short, she grew up faster than other girls her age.
I was told that besides attending dance rehearsals, performing at local and international shows and tackling her studies, this gem of a girl also helps out at her mother’s food stall in the heart of Kuala Lumpur. She takes orders, serves food, gets the bill, cleans up tables and washes the dishes. And it doesn’t stop there. Whatever she earns from her dancing shows and other gigs is handed to her mother (and some to her grandparents) to ease their financial burdens.
Listening to her mother speak of her, I found myself brimming with admiration for this girl.
“Do you feel you are losing out on your childhood because you have to shoulder so many responsibilities?” I asked, when I finally got a chance to chat with her in private.
“No-lah. I am not young. I am almost 13!” she replied as she stared at me with her gorgeous, big brown eyes.
I laughed.
“Do you sometimes wish things were different?” I asked.
“It is pointless to think about changing the past. I like to think about what I can do today and prepare for the future,” she said, stunning me with her words of wisdom.
As a single mother myself, I asked the girl’s mother about what plans she had for her daughter’s future. What I heard next left me baffled.
“Itulah, akak selalu ingatkan dia supaya pandai-pandai rebut peluang. Macam di latihan tarian PS tu, Rosmah selalu juga datang tengok-tengok. Kadang-kadang dia ada duduk dan sembang-sembang dengan budak-budak. Akak dah banyak kali bagitau dia, masa Rosmah di situ, cuba la rapatkan diri dengan dia. Bagitau Rosmah yang mak ni ibu tunggal, orang susah. Mana tau, dia nak kasi apa-apa ke dekat kita kan?”
(I always remind her to make the most of opportunities that come her way. For example, when Rosmah (Mansor) visits the PS dance rehearsals, sometimes she sits around and talks to the kids. I have many times told my daughter, when Rosmah is around, to try and get close to her. Tell Rosmah your mom is a single mother and we are poor. Who knows, she may want to give us some handouts?)
I looked at the young girl who was busy doing her homework at the end of the table and I felt much anger rising in me.
This girl, who has all the potential to grow and become a courageous, independent woman should not be encouraged to use the crutches of privilege and benefit simply because she can.
What her mother is instilling in her daughter (and I suppose there are many others like that out there) is that without privileges and benefits handed to one on a silver platter, there is little hope one can amount to anything much in life.
Why does this girl’s mother not see that these crutches do not help anyone move faster or go further in life? It only makes people dependent on them for their survival at the expense of their self-esteem and confidence. Why would a mother want to instil in her daughter that she is incapable of achieving anything worthy in life without relying on the privileges and benefits that others can bestow upon her?
Raw diamonds must be polished in order to sparkle. Like many people who shuffle about with those darn crutches these days, I worry that one day, this amazing girl, may never get to blossom to her fullest potential and sparkle like the precious gem she really is.