Children bring parents joy, laughter, and the sense of responsibility for their wellbeing. Then the toddler goes for childcare or to a daycare nursery, and with this comes the dread of letting them go – at least for the day.
Khairul’s (not his real name) son goes for childcare two days a week and hates the drop-offs. The first day was the worst. His son was very upset, but Khairul put on a brave face and said a quick goodbye. Then he cried himself silly on the way to work.
It slowly got easier as he interacted with other parents and learnt how to deal with it. He is sharing his experience for the benefit of others. Here are his tips to reduce separation anxiety in preschoolers:
- Explain to the child what will happen during their day. For example: “Today Boiboi is going to have fun with your friends and play in the big sandpit, ya.”
- Keep drop-offs short and sweet. Hand them over to a teacher, who will hopefully distract the child and get them engaged in a fun activity. At Khairul’s daycare centre, his son is quickly brought outside to look at rabbits.
- Don’t prolong goodbyes. As hard as it is to leave the little one while they are upset, a drawn-out goodbye makes it far worse for everyone.
- Have a transition toy for the child, which helps them settle in.
- Project confidence. Try to remain calm and collected.
- If you are feeling anxious, try not to show this to your child.
- Don’t sneak away without saying goodbye.
- Have faith in the staff. They deal with kids all day, every day, and know what to do.
- Keep to the same routine for the first few weeks.
Khairul has learnt that not every child will experience separation anxiety – it depends on their temperament, upbringing, and the behaviour of adults around them.
For those who do experience it, separation anxiety increases until the child is about 15 months old, peaking at around 18 months.
On a positive note, the existence of separation anxiety means the child has reached another milestone and understands his parents still exist even when they are not around.
The next developmental milestone is the formation of a reciprocal relationship. Rapid brain and language development, which occurs from around 18 months to two years of age, allows a child to understand their parents’ comings and goings. More importantly, they are able to predict returns.
Separation anxiety is not a disorder; it is a normal part of development. Mums and dads need to remain calm and realise it will pass, as will those sleepless nights worrying over it.
But if it continues to happen frequently after two years of age, then it is likely to be a more serious issue.
Starting daycare has many benefits, and once a parent gets past the initial drama, it is great to see the little ones playing and having fun as a group. The socialisation aspect is enjoyable for children and also necessary for normal development.
Khairul admits parenting is hard work, and transitioning to child care is often difficult for mums, dads, and little ones alike. But it’s all worth it to see your toddler starting to learn, explore and thrive in their new environment.
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