You may have heard the word “tween” being bandied about, but what exactly does it mean? Well, this charming specimen is a child between the ages of nine and 12, the “in-between” stage bridging childhood and adolescence.
It can be a poignant stage where the sweet, trusting child who has clung to you for the longest time establishes him- or herself more and more as an individual. And it can also be challenging.
The change is gradual; the most obvious signs are the physical changes (hello, deeper voices and zits), and they also start being more conscious of their physical appearance.
Your tween will start to become a bottomless pit – the fussy eater who once took forever to finish a meal now eats at an hourly rate, and polishes off everyone else’s plates, too.
Once able to thrive on very little sleep, your child now snoozes like a newborn – after a 12-hour interval, you’ll be compelled to check whether they are still alive.
They want their own time and space, and it’s best you give it to them and don’t take it personally when they no longer want to follow you everywhere.
For parents with children in this precious age group, here’s how you can “enjoy” the journey – or at least make it less bumpy!
1. Communicate
Talk to your emerging tween about what to expect – physical, hormonal, emotional, and cognitive changes. It is important to involve their brothers and sisters as well; doing so will allow everyone to manage expectations and preserve the sibling relationship.
It can be hard on younger kids when their elder tween sibling – once their regular playmate – starts wanting their own privacy or alone time, or to spend more time with their friends. Peer relationship takes on a larger role at this age.
At the same time, communicate your expectations and boundaries, while being understanding of the changes in your tween.
2. Empower
Your tween will be more independent and have their own opinions. Capitalise on this by engaging them in discussions relating to their choices. It boosts your child’s self-esteem when you empower them to make their own decisions and listen to their opinions.
This also allows you to remain connected to their everyday lives and what interests them. Engage in discussions on extracurricular activities, favourite subjects at school, peer relationships, and even screentime negotiations.
If they know you listen to them, they are more likely to come to you as a sounding board.
3. Allow for mistakes and emotions
Allow your children to make mistakes and wrong decisions without being judgmental. This provides them good practice on how to pick themselves up, while the risks and stakes are still low.
When your tween has emotionally charged moments, remember they are still children, despite them sounding and looking more grown up. It helps to take a breather, walk away, and wait for the storm to pass before continuing.
If necessary, get the help of your spouse to back you up and for a different perspective.
4. Repair and reconnect
Regardless of what was said or done in the thick of the moment, it’s crucial to repair and reconnect. Parents are only human, and there’s no shame in apologising and fixing your relationship with your tween.
It models to them that adults, too, unlearn and relearn, and are willing to try again. By cultivating grace and forgiveness, it will make it much easier for both parent and child to navigate these changing years together.
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This article was written by Ng Wei Lin for makchic, a Malaysian-based online site for chic, curious, and spirited parents. makchic and has been providing trustworthy and authentic family-related content since 2013. For diverse stories of parenthood that inform, support, and uplift all families, visit makchic.com and follow them on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.