Now, it often glows with screens instead of conversation. Parents reply to messages, teenagers scroll, and younger ones watch videos to stay quiet. Everyone is together, but no one is really talking.
When words fade and emotions go unspoken, even close families can quietly drift apart. As clinical psychologist Evelyn Ngui notes, that’s often where mental health struggles begin – not in isolation, but in the silence between people who love each other.
“Asian families don’t talk about things, especially mental health issues. As a child, you can always tell when the situation at home is tense. You sense something’s wrong, but nobody’s naming it,” Ngui told FMT Lifestyle in conjunction with World Mental Health Day today.
That silence, she said, can quietly shape a child’s understanding of how to handle pain. In her years of working closely with families, Ngui has observed that children “learn when you’re going through a difficult situation, the best way to deal with it is to put a lid on it and it will go away”.
“But it doesn’t,” she stressed.
This is a growing concern, especially for teenagers. A recent screening in Selangor by the Malaysian Mental Health Association found over 1,000 students at high risk of depression – a reminder of why open family conversations matter.
When parents talk about mental health at home, they model openness, showing children it’s okay to speak up. These “open channels”, Ngui said, don’t need to be formal – they can happen at dinner, before bedtime, or on the morning drive to school.
“For example, no topic is off limits when we have meals. It’s safe. You can set up the culture and value that it’s not wrong to talk about things.”
This is particularly important, she added, as children these days are under intense academic pressure, which can lead to anxiety and depression.
But what about younger kids who may not be good at using words? One practical tool families can use are visual aids.
“With younger children, their brains aren’t developed enough to describe what they’re feeling. They can’t tell you, ‘I’m intensely distressed because I got my exam results.’ They just feel it in their bodies.”
And when children can’t express those feelings, they often show it through tantrums or resistance. Visual tools can help – emotion charts, body diagrams, or flashcards with simple options like “I need rest” or “I want a hug”.
“These visuals give children a bridge,” Ngui said. “Even when they’re in a kind of frozen state, they can still point and communicate, and that keeps the channel open.”
Of course, open communication isn’t the only thing that holds a family together. For many Malaysians, faith often plays a quiet but powerful role.
“If you look at your faith as something that formulates your family’s values, it can really contribute to a flourishing family life. The whole family knows where they’re headed, and they can rely on it when things get hard.”
For her, faith doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine – it’s about finding meaning and endurance in the middle of it. “Faith can introduce you to the idea that it’s OK to sit with pain – because we can never avoid pain in our lifetime,” Ngui said.
And even when life takes a difficult turn – a relapse, a replay of old struggles – faith can help families find their footing again.
“You start to understand that there’s community, there’s prayer, there are different ways that can help you while you’re also using psychological techniques: mindfulness, reframing thoughts, or looking at emotions. All these can come together,” she noted.
Ultimately, Ngui believes a healthy family life isn’t defined by the absence of problems, but by the presence of care, shared values, and intentional effort in the midst of mental health struggles.
“I’ve seen my share of families who are already practising all of these, and they are able to deal with situations in a more open and helpful way with a shorter recovery time,” she concluded.