You spend billions. You pay the top guys well over RM1 million a week. You sack 55 low-paid workers, including the scout who discovered many of them, and a much-loved mascot, so you can afford the highly-paid stars.

Yes, I know, but that’s how the club explained it.

You use sophisticated data for performance analysis yet your manager pinned his hopes on 2,000 fans scattered around a stadium that holds 60,000 being able to boost the team in a meaningless Europa League match.

This is Arsenal who visit table-topping Spurs at half past midnight on Monday morning in Malaysia for the big match of the weekend. It’s big because of Spurs, not Arsenal.

And the top guys? Well, the highest earner of all, Mesut Ozil, who is trousering £350,000 (RM1.9m) a week, has been social distancing for the whole season, having not played since March.

This despite being the club’s most creative player when the team is crying out for creativity.

A politically-savvy soul with a conscience, the German has done more for the Uighurs this season than for the Gunners. And he even offered to pay the mascot’s salary.

Happily, Gunnersaurus, the dinosaur, is back from extinction albeit the man inside operates on a rotational basis. To save costs.

As for the skipper, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, he appears to have taken Covid-19 especially seriously by opting to social distance on the field.

Since he signed a new contract at circa RM1 million a week, his goals have dried up and he’s hardly had a touch.

The only surprise is that he’s not worn a mask on the field.

It is easy to jest, but Arsenal do appear dysfunctional and have made their worst start to a season in almost 40 years.

Hard though it may be for the great Gooner diaspora to accept, it’s the dreaded Cockerel that is making all the noise this time around.

They are ahead of Liverpool on goals difference and eight points above Arsenal who languish in 14th place.

They look odds on to cancel St Totteringham’s Day for what would be a fifth year in a row.

The mythical “saint’s day” occurs when Gooners celebrate yet another season of superiority over Spurs. It came around as often as Christmas under Arsene Wenger.

Making all this especially hard to take for Arsenal fans is that things had appeared to be going well under Mikel Arteta.

After an impressive finish to last season capped by winning the FA Cup, Arsenal looked to be finally sorting out their defence.

That’s a bit like saying a teenager is sorting out his bedroom.

But in Arteta, a former Arsenal player and more recently a disciple of Pep Guardiola, it finally looked as if the club had the right man to succeed the immortal Wenger.

Where there had been chaos under Unai Emery, there was order. Where there was a laissez-faire attitude, there was a steely determination.

A studious Basque who was a cultured midfielder in his day, Arteta may have been a rookie, but looked as if he knew what he was doing.

There were astute signings – Gabriel Magalhaes and Thomas Partey both acquired without breaking the bank – while, after much speculation, talisman and top scorer Aubameyang was talked into staying.

Even the ostracization of Ozil was seen as the smack of firm leadership. There would be no place for dilettantes.

And suddenly progression from Europa League also-rans to top four contenders looked possible.

But the drying up of goals and the drying up of chances has changed things. In Ozil’s absence, Arsenal have struggled to create even a sniff.

Solidity in defence has come at a price and Arsenal have the fourth lowest chance creation rate in the Premier League while only relegation candidates Burnley, Sheffield United and West Brom have scored fewer goals.

Some even think they let the wrong goalkeeper leave. Long-time deputy Emiliano Martinez seized his chance to excel when Bernd Leno got injured but was sold off to Aston Villa for just £20m when the German keeper returned to fitness. Leno has had a few ‘moments’ since.

For all that, the 2,000 fans who witnessed a 4-1 stroll against an outclassed Rapid Vienna on Thursday night were in good voice. Glad to be allowed back, they made the most of the occasion and did what the manager had hoped.

But it was a match of scant consequence as Arsenal had already qualified for the next stage. Still, Arteta will hope it’s a turning point and Spurs, who also faced Austrian opponents, had to travel and were held to a 3-3 draw.

Jose Mourinho suggested the players weren’t motivated as they had also pre-booked their place in the next stage, but there can be no doubt which of the two clubs was more inconvenienced.

Still, don’t think Spurs won’t be prepared. It will be in their own cavernous stadium and with 2,000 of their own fans.

It may not be a spectacle – Mourinho would park the bus in a charity match – but it may tell us a lot about the immediate future of the two north London rivals.

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of FMT.