You might have heard of “helicopter parenting”, which describes mums and/or dads who tend to be overprotective – an approach some experts believe is detrimental to a child’s emotional development. They consider “lighthouse parenting”, a model that encourages greater autonomy, to be a better approach.
The term “lighthouse parenting” was coined by paediatrician Dr Ken Ginsburg, who outlined its benefits in his book, explaining that parents must serve as a beacon for their offspring. “We must make certain they don’t crash against the rocks, but trust they have the capacity to learn to ride the waves on their own,” he wrote.
This model encourages parents to give their children more freedom in their actions, while clearly indicating boundaries that must not be overstepped. After all, helping children to become more autonomous doesn’t mean letting them do anything and everything: they need to be guided and supported in their choices and questioning, without negative judgement or preconceived ideas.
“By being there to provide your kids with support and guidance, but not just solving the problems for them, it allows them to feel like they have the tools to tackle things that life may throw at them,” US psychotherapist Joe Farrell told Parents magazine.
This way, once the child has left the family nest, they’ll be better able to adapt. In a 2019 study, researchers from Florida State University found that students with “helicopter parents” were more likely to experience burnout than those with less controlling upbringings.
Learning to let go
Experts agree that parental overprotection is detrimental to a child’s development: adolescents and young adults who experienced helicopter parenting in most of their early years show more depressive and anxiety symptoms, as well as socialisation difficulties.
To foster children’s development and ease the burden on parents, the lighthouse-parenting model advocates letting go. “I understand the desire to be very involved and wanting to know all the ins and outs of your child’s life. But you do get to that point, as they age, that they need to have their own life,” Farrell added. “So, as they get older, you gradually step back
Like any parenting style, lighthouse parenting isn’t for every family: some children need more attention than others and will thrive best in a stricter, but not authoritarian, framework.