When the word “abuse” is used, society often thinks of physical abuse or emotional/mental abuse. However, financial abuse also flourishes in unhealthy relationships, and is particularly aimed at women.

A Michigan State University study in 2019 revealed that 70% of women agreed that their partners had hidden financial information from them leading to a higher risk of hidden debt. 46% had their credit scores disrupted by their partners. These are among the early signs of domestic abuse.

Abusers in financially abusive relationships take over their victims’ ability to earn, use, and maintain a stable income. Some abusers even prevent their victims from earning an income.

Many have lost their life savings as well as access to funds as the abuser takes control of their financial independence.

Abusers also tend to use all manner of tactics to manipulate their victims whether with sweet talk or blatantly aggressive threats. Their aim is to have total control over their victim by snatching away their financial power.

Just like emotional abuse, financial abuse is an unseen terror wielded by abusers to trap their partners in an unhealthy relationship.

Abused partners, who most often are women, then begin to believe they cannot financially cope on their own. They believe they must rely on their abusers.

Believing they have no other choice, these victims continue to stay in the relationship no matter how much it deteriorates.

How financial abuse is committed

Financial abuse begins with an abuser isolating his victim from her source of income. The victim then begins to rely on the abuser for money.

This reliance is then taken advantage of by the abuser and the victim is trapped in a situation where they believe they are completely financially helpless in the world.

It is therefore important to recognise the signs of potential financial abuse before the situation gets out of control.

1. Taking advantage of their partner’s finances and income source

• Using their partner’s personal assets without permission.
• Blocking or limiting their partner’s access to bank accounts.
• Borrowing money from their partner without repaying.
• Feeling entitled or deserving to take advantage of their partner’s money or assets.
• Demanding and making threats in order to obtain their partner’s passwords to bank accounts or credit cards.
• Expecting their partner to make all bill payments or pay for their own needs.
• Offering to take charge of the budget and financial decisions; an excuse to take the opportunity to control their partner’s money flow.
• Accessing their partner’s bank statements without permission.

2. Disrespecting their partner’s finances and income source

• Criticising or insulting their partner’s career choices.
• Persuading their partner to quit their job, maybe even using children as an excuse.
• Setting up home in an area where their partner is unable to find work.
• Sabotaging their partner’s work and work responsibilities.
• Interrupting their partner’s working hours with frequent calls, messages, and even dropping by their partner’s workplace unannounced.
• Disrupting their partner’s ability to go to work by damaging their vehicle, hiding keys, or even offering to care for children but then backing out at the last minute.

3. Exerting controlling behaviour over their partner’s finances

• Criticising every financial decision made by their partner, even down to little things such as buying a bottle of water.
• Blocking their partner’s financial planning and path to financial independence.
• Being reluctant or refusing to cooperate on financial matters.
• Insisting their partner’s income be shared, but refusing to share their own.
• Unfairness in spending by treating themselves lavishly yet expecting their partner to live with basics.
• Refusing to contribute towards or be involved in financial decisions regarding the children’s education and leaving their partner to manage it.
• Forcing their partner to sign financial documents without clear explanations.

What a victim can do

Take charge over your finances from the very start. Talk to your spouse. Set firm boundaries that respect both parties.

Once abuse has thoroughly set in, exit from your abusive relationship, for your sake and the sake of the children.

Before exiting, decide on an emergency financial plan for yourself, separate from your partner’s. This plan should include sufficient funds, direct deposits to a bank account of your own, important passwords, records of your financial history, and other important documents.

Record-keeping of your financial history can be written or in the form of photographs. This may be used as evidence should your case be brought to court.

Among some of the important documents you should save:

• Identification documents for yourself and your children
• Driving license
• Your passport
• Bank statement
• Salary payslip or bonus payslip
• Tax-related documents
• Documents that prove asset ownership
• Any bills registered in your name

If you are unable to exit your abusive relationship, seek help. Here are some options:

• Contact Talian NUR / KASIH hotline at 15999, or contact the local office of the welfare department at Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat Malaysia (JKMM).

Inform the relevant officials of your situation and that you’re seeking an Emergency Protection Order (EPO) or Perintah Perlindungan Kecemasan. A police report is not required to apply for an EPO.

• Contact Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO) at their Hotline: +603 7956 3488 (Mon to Sat: 9am – 5pm. Extended hours on Tues, Wed & Fri: 7pm – 10pm) or SMS/WhatsApp TINA: +6018 988 8058 (24 hours)

This article first appeared in MyPF. Follow MyPF to simplify and grow your personal finances on Facebook and Instagram.