Many mums and dads, especially those who are new to the parenting game, get caught up in the pursuit of perfection.

The love you have for your children can so easily get mixed up with fear and guilt over your perceived inadequacies, and social media, with its constant highlight reels of other families who seemingly have it all together, only exacerbates the feeling.

Ironically, seeking perfection in parenting actually results in less effective parenting. Holding yourself to impossibly high standards makes parenting less enjoyable and more stressful.

As the year draws to a close, perhaps it’s time to commit to being a better mum or dad, and say goodbye to the myth of being the “perfect” parent.

Here are five ways to bust the myth of perfection and get comfortable with being good enough.

1. Stop the scroll

Imagine yourself trying to meet the standards of an imaginary mum named Alison. Alison cooks every meal from scratch using only organic produce, homeschools her two adorable children with homemade Montessori materials, and never turns on the TV.

She keeps the house perfectly tidy while running a successful business. She never loses her temper and always has a gentle smile on her face.

Here’s the truth, however: Alison isn’t real. She’s an amalgamation of countless picture-perfect moments on Instagram and all the parenting articles you’ve ever read.

If the content you’re consuming causes you to go down a rabbit hole of shame, it’s time to be more selective about what you view. Unfollow the profile that makes you feel bad about not dressing your kids in organic cotton or setting up a beautiful playroom.

Plan to set aside your devices for stretches of time so you’re not on a constant scroll. Taking back control over the input you allow into your life is the first step to busting the myth of perfection.

2. Get a reality check

The times you’re down on yourself are usually when you’re not grounded in reality. During challenging moments, you might talk to yourself the way you wouldn’t to others, saying things like “you’re not cut out to be a parent” or “this is all your fault”.

To top it off, you might keep your fears and anxieties to yourself instead of reaching out, because you’re held back by guilt and shame. All of this has the effect of detaching you from reality, reinforcing negative self-talk and creating unrealistic expectations.

This is why it’s so important to have a support system that keeps you grounded and reminds you that you are doing enough. It might be a small group of mum or dad friends who have children around the same age as yours.

Find a space that allows you to get vulnerable, with peers who will share their vulnerability in turn, to remind you you’re not alone and that you’re doing enough.

3. Reconnect with your intuition

Mums and dads these days are blessed and cursed with much more information than their own parents had about how to raise children. What ends up happening is that they keep reading the latest parenting bestsellers, or try to follow all the hottest blogs, only to end up with information overload.

They then become convinced they can’t possibly be doing things right, because every new article or book gives them more info about things they hadn’t been doing before.

Instead of falling prey to this, aim to get back in touch with your intuition: the quiet voice within that knows what you stand for, understands your need for connection, and is calm and confident in the face of challenges.

This isn’t to say you’ll stop learning – rather, the goal is to stop second-guessing yourself about decisions that feel right for you and your family.

4. Remember, you and your child are separate

It’s easy to treat your child’s behaviour as a barometer of your parenting success. When your child is rude to you or throws a tantrum, your instinct might be to blame yourself, thinking: “I must have done something wrong for them to be behaving this way.”

The reality is, children are not mere extensions of their parents – they are individuals with their own spirits and interests. They come into the world with their own temperament and personality.

So, the next time you are at odds with your child, remind yourself that they are only human.

5. Learn to let go

Romance author Nora Roberts once came up with the analogy of glass and plastic balls to describe how she juggles work and family life. “The key,” she explained, “is to know that some of the balls you have in the air are made of plastic and some are made of glass.

“If you drop a plastic ball, it bounces, no harm done. If you drop a glass ball, it shatters, so you have to know which balls are [which], and prioritise catching the glass ones.”

To be happier and more content, let go of the idea that you can control every aspect of your family’s life. Try, instead, to identify the “glass balls” – one-on-one time with your partner, for instance, or staying calm when your child needs you, or meeting an urgent deadline.

Prioritise catching those, even if it means being “imperfect” by dropping plastic balls.

Ultimately, every parent wants his or her children to treat themselves with kindness. Saying goodbye to parenting perfection helps you model this, as your child will see you embrace your flaws while you continuously learn and grow as a parent.

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This article was written by Justina Chen for makchic, a Malaysian-based online site for chic, curious, and spirited parents. makchic and has been providing trustworthy and authentic family-related content since 2013. For diverse stories of parenthood that inform, support, and uplift all families, visit makchic.com and follow them on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.